Deception

I find myself in deception. I do not plan to be here, but a chance encounter with one of its creators and performers Paul Brownbill at the Art as Research conference initiates conversation and thinking and and wandering and I am

here.

Here is

a white space not white. Paint. Bodies: open to the wind.

Traces of bodies, extensions of their selves layered into and onto the space. With paint, but also temporally and spatially. They become.

Here is traces of becoming; gestures. The space is empty as it is full.

Clothes linger from bodies. Movement and energy lingers still.

I become.

Here is where the performance is taking place.

But, the performance has already taken place. It is projected from its original filmed physical theatre performance onto the space I am here. In fact, I am sitting on one of the chairs in the performance, looking at the chairs that the dancers use in the projection. Their bodies move around and with the chairs, unwind around it, my body is rooted here. I feel it.

I feel something rumbling and reverberating inwards, within.

Paul and I talk. This is what they call affect we say.

We joke about how we should have recorded our conversation. Maybe this is an attempt to grasp – with the very tips of our fingers – this feeling. But also a shared understanding between us of something beyond every day language but which we feel.

Structure and narrative are very real here. But, I think, they are understood differently and never quite fully.

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